McGillicutty from Inner Rambling of a Mid Life Mama has discovered my true identity and is threatening to tell all unless I pay her twenty cazillion, megazillion buckarooneys. I have tried to find the money and save myself but it's absolutely impossible. I've begged and pleaded, screamed and cried, stamped my feet and sold my body twice but I'm still forty megazillion short. I've decided the only thing to do is to come clean and tell you all who I really am.
*Gulping a large margarita* Here goes...
I encourage women worldwide that having a period is cool. I advertise tampons in the campest way possible. Periods may be full of stomach cramps and the need to stab everyone close enough in the eye but if you buy my product you can chillax in your dressing gown with a cocktail and green face mask.
Don't feel bad for me, many people have no talent.You may be confused that my hair looks different - At the tampon photo shoot I decided to let my hair down and show the extreme coolness of having something take over your mind and body once a month. For my blog photo shoot I wanted to look sexy so I tied my hair up and rid myself of the dressing gown. You will notice that I skillfully managed to hide my breasts... At that time I wasn't sure who my readers would be and I thought it'd be a bit wrong to show you my girls so early on in our relationship.
So there you have it. I am the tampon lady. I hope you still love me because I am looking forward to being in your bathroom and bedroom at some point in the near future...
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that your true identity has been revealed! And that you have been blackmailed too.;))
ReplyDeleteWell, I would not mind having you in my bathroom, you look kinda of cute, with your hair down.;) Hehe.;)
Thanks for a great laugh on a Tuesday morning.;)
xoxo
Imagine being blackmailed. your hilarious. have a fab day my friend, whoever the heck you are. hugs.
ReplyDeleteSo that's what other women look like when they're having their period?
ReplyDeleteNow i understand why you wanted to be anonymous, he he!
that's hilarious!
ReplyDeletehaha! and again- this is why i love you.
ReplyDeleteOh boy. I feel like I've known you forever.
ReplyDeletelol. how cool you are...and zuzanas comment...just smiling...
ReplyDeleteHar de Har Harr Harrrrr.... could be worse, you could be the face on the Douche Bag!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love you anyway!!!!!!
The funniest part about that post is that I usually go to Publix every single day and I have yet to see you in the feminine protection aisle. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteA VERY good Gotcha!
ReplyDeleteOh heck, you could have 'fessed up much before now and then someone wouldn't be threatening to out you. Do you want us to go take care of this McGillicutty person? Just say the word. Ha.
ReplyDeleteI am shocked you haven't been discovered before this! But good for you for coming clean, extortionists should never win. And for this McGillicutty person - shame on you and I hope you are visited by Eternally on a regular , if not monthly basis.
ReplyDelete(Insert off-colour comment about you & my wife here).
ReplyDelete"I am looking forward to being in your bathroom and bedroom at some point in the near future."
ReplyDeleteSo the house switch is on?
I never knew and never would have since I no longer peruse that particular product aisle. After I gave birth to #5 before turning 25, I offered my uterus for transplant to any soul needing a good working womb ....
ReplyDeleteI knew it!
ReplyDeleteWhat an absorbing post! Month to month, you're so entertaining, ED -- I just love your blog, period. Long may it flow!
ReplyDeleteI won't be seeing you as no tampons live in my bathroom... your secret is still safe with me and I know that you are a male cockatoo in real life.
ReplyDeleteyou did say that I could say anything!
Giggle snort...I looooove it! I so needed a good giggle this morning..thank you:) Ya know your hair looks real nice down!! Happy Tuesday, Sarah
ReplyDeletehey... better than being a pad...
ReplyDeletethen again, if you do expand, I want a cut for the idea :)
There is a distinct resemblance here, but I'm not so fooled. Maybe a lookalike.
ReplyDeletehahahaha, that is so awesome! I knew you were famous, but wow, tampons! Can I have your autograph?
ReplyDeleteI think it is just a doppelganger trying to horn in on your fame.
ReplyDeleteThat's some amazing detective work! I do love that the cocktail and beauty mask are constants. They are constants in my life too.
ReplyDeleteOh well, shoot. Your secret would have been safe with me eternally since that particular part of my anatomy no longer functions as it once did.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! Don't you remember me? I've had lots and lots of talks with you in the bathroom! (You always give me such good advice too!)
ReplyDeleteLOL.. too funny. And a most absorbing story. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd it goes to show you that with anonymous blogging.. there are always strings attached.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! I still love you, tampons or not. But I need more details - what absorbancy are you? SUPER?!
ReplyDeleteLOL! You are too cute.
ReplyDeleteTampon lady it is.
ReplyDeleteLOL...I see you love your martini's and olive...You dont need a 12 step program do you? LOL
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction was “Again?” Then “oh.” The “OOOOOH!”
ReplyDeletehmmm. I never go to the tampon section of the store cause I am post-menopausal!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Too bad it took blackmail for you to come out!
ReplyDeleteThis post made me study that profile picture closely. I think you also played an extra in the bar scene in the Stars Wars movie.
ReplyDeleteHaving been disembowelled I no longer need such products, so I would never have recognised you. :)
ReplyDeleteIf you're in my bathroom, then I have a problem!
ReplyDeleteYou won't be in my bathroom anytime soon. Got rid of that plumping a long time ago and the rest of the house is male....
ReplyDeleteOh to be famous!
ReplyDeleteOh, this post is nothing but pad. Get it? "Pad?"
ReplyDeletetoo funny!
ReplyDeleteToo funny!
ReplyDeleteI don't think they'll be in my bathroom or bedroom any time soon. Though I'm told they do have 101 uses, like mopping up those unexpected wine spills.
ReplyDeleteAnd tell me, who is this Heavy Flo I keep reading about? Should I know her?
Despite my great age (69), I still have need of your products, as Menopausal Mama is a term which has never been applicable to me...I probably deserve a place in the Guinness book of records... Looks like we shall be friends for life! LOL :)
ReplyDeleteWho knew you were a model? I'm very impressed.
ReplyDeletehello there ed - i appreciate your stopping by my blog and commenting!
ReplyDeleteam returning the favor and really enjoy so far what i've read.....esp the greece trip with the scarecut and nikos your adopted dad! will look forward to return visits and am happy to say i believe i've become your 600th follower!
LOL, very funny. Tampons are a good thing ;)
ReplyDeleteIf you are the tampon lady, you are in far more places than just my bedroom and my bathroom. Like..you should be blushing right now. Or maybe I should be. At any rate, may I suggest taking the "regular" off the assembly line? I mean, really, what's the point?
ReplyDeleteSo what? Somebody has to be...
ReplyDeleteOh I KNEW you looked familiar! Of course! Why didn't I put it together myself?
ReplyDeleteIts not that bad, even Prince Charles said he would like to be Camilla's tampon !!!!!
ReplyDeleteI guess it could be worse, you could be like a Hemorrhoid spokesperson or something. I find posts about tampons very absorbing! LOL
ReplyDelete*falls off the couch laughing* At least you're not the Always slogan writer! If I ever find the man who wrote "Have a happy period" I will do unmentionable and horrible things to him that leave him crying like a little girl! I can live with it as long as you're not working for them!
ReplyDeleteSorry Eternally Attracted (I mean Distracted), unless there is a monumental miracle I cannot use your products but I do admire the service you are providing to ladies across the entire globe.
ReplyDeleteI will therefore nominate you for Dame Eternally Distracted in next years New Year's Honours List for services rendered (ingognito of course) LOL
Just in the nic of time...I had PMS this week where my family steard clear of me...you can be the tampon lady if you want to I'm okay with that...lovely hair by the way!
ReplyDeleteI think I have seen you in my bathroom recently! It sounds like you get around ED. Better be bringing chocolate with that martini BTW
ReplyDeleteI no longer have a period, but youre more than welcome to come by.. we could have tea and talk super absorbency.
ReplyDeletefunny post - and some very funny comments too!! Thanks for the laughs :-)
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt have recognised you - I don't think we have this pack here in OZ!
Sorry about your true identity being revealed. LOL!
ReplyDeleteLOL! You look fabulous, even on a tampon box!!
ReplyDeleteED, I hope you enjoyed that “large margarita* and many more in the future.
ReplyDeleteI also hope you know that you have at lease one (me) perverted old male tittie-loving reader who would get his rocks off by being able to at least see your boobs even if I can’t feast on them. :-)
Oh shit!!! I was thinking through that first paragraph... well FUCK now I'm going to have to help her hide a fucking body!
ReplyDeleteLove the tampon box, too fucking cute! Guess I'll see you NEXT MONTH... Lucky you bitch!
so now can we see your girls?
ReplyDeleteI just spit my coffee all over the computer. You are frickin' hilarious. ROFLMAO. I will think of you once a month. LOL
ReplyDeleteOMG.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I got.
And this:
Holy crap are you funny!!
I still love you.
ReplyDeleteI had cramps today. I also noticed that I had a penis. What gives?
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome! You totally crack me up.
ReplyDeleteLove you even if you are the tampon lady :-)
jj
I'm a joker
ReplyDeleteI'm a smoker (quit thank goodness)
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin' on the run
But now YOU are a member of Team ICB
I Can't Blog
thanks
I confess to never having seen you. But I don't get out much.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Tampon days are over for me.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you were the tampon lady. It's lovely to meet you. We've spent many a day together.
ReplyDeleteGosh, who knew periods could be that cool? All those years huddled over a hot water bottle - when I should have been drinking cocktails.
ReplyDeleteXX
You're a pip, you know that Tampon Lady? May I call you TL or is that too presumptuous on my part?
ReplyDelete